Poor Rita Nelson of Minnesota

I spent the morning in the library getting some much needed work done and on my way out I picked up the SanFrancisco BayTimes, a gay newspaper.  I like reading the letters to the Editor in any newspaper, unless I see something that sets me off.  Here is a letter from a Rita Nelson from Minnesota:

I have not come to accept the way gays live, and Garrison should not have to say "sorry" for saying it!  It is offensive to me to watch some, as well as straights, when hanging all over each other, for them to be able to raise children and adopt, to get all the benefits of a husband and wife.  When I see all the dressing up, the absurdity, it is very disgusting.  I have gay friends, but they certainly are not "flaming."

I just sent a response to the editor:


Poor Rita Nelson of Minnesota (March 29). You have to wonder why, in the first place, she is reading the Bay Times, especially since she does not ‘accept the way gays live.’ She doesn’t want us to have children, to get the benefits of a man and wife nor does she like us getting all dressed up (whatever that means). My advice to you, Rita: concentrate on your own marriage. Stop blaming gays and lesbians for any problems you are having. Concentrate on your own kids. Stop teaching them to hate because they will remember what you taught them when they get older. Stop worrying what other people have, or what other people do. Stop reading gay newspapers if it makes you so unhappy. You say you have gay friends, but I doubt that very much, especially with your comment that you do not accept the way we live. So stop lying as well. Go outside and take a walk around to see the beauty in the world. Go outside and see that there are many kinds of people that are just as happy as you are (even though you don’t want to believe it). I think you will feel better. You might not like this advice, but you will have to get over it at some point, or remain as unhappy as you seem to be right now.

Dr. Kevin Kaatz

San Francisco


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23 Responses to Poor Rita Nelson of Minnesota

  1. Marty says:

    Dear Dr. Kaatz,In reading your response to this individual from Minnesota…..YOU are no better in judging her as she is in judging you. Everyone is entitled to their views and feelings, shame on you for responding in such a matter. Do you know this person that you can assume what her children are like or if she has them, if she is unhappy or married. Your attack on this individual is appalling no matter what her views are. What ever your a \’Doctor\’ of…..it is obviously not psychology. My advice to you Dr. Kaatz, stop worrying about what other people think, or write and live YOUR life without judging others as you would not have others judge you.

  2. Kevin says:

    Marty–I find your response interesting. Rita Nelson has a problem with the way people are. She doesn\’t like that gays and lesbians can adopt children and \’get all the benefits of a husband and wife.\’ I suggest you read my response to her again. I didn\’t attack her. In fact, I gave her some good advice, despite the fact that my doctorate is not psychology. I told her to get over it and get on living her life instead of complaining about people who are different from her. You sound like you are judging me, so I find it amusing that you are telling me not to judge people (which I didn\’t do). Maybe you should stop worrying about what I have to think and live your own life.

  3. Marty says:

    Mr. Kaatz….. you should live by your own advice. And I did read your response…. your full response. Have a nice and prosperous 2009.

  4. Cassie says:

    Hi from Minnesota. Well, Marty is right, Kevin…in America one has the right to express ignornce, bigotry, and hate if one so chooses. I am not suggesting that Rita or anyone else should be especially PROUD of such views but they certainly have the right to express them. Just as we have the right to mock them when they do.Great country, isn\’t it?

  5. Kevin says:

    Hey Cass, yes, Marty is right in that everyone can express their views. I\’ll give him that much! I also think Marty is right in that I should stop complaining about people who are different from me. The difference between me and people like Rita, however, is that I am not actively participating in taking away the rights of another group that I disagree with. This keeps reminding me of Rick Warren and his \’plea\’ for glbt people to come together with him and sing kumbaya (I think I spelled that wrong!) now that Prop. 8 has passed. I wonder whether he would like to join us in singing it when Prop. 8 is tossed out? 🙂

  6. Kevin says:

    Hi Marty, You have to understand why I wrote what I did back in March. She wrote in to a gay newspaper to complain about gay people. She clearly doesn\’t like them and no, I do not believe that she has any gay friends. She finds some of us \’disgusting.\’ My advice to her was that if she is truly disgusted, then why read the gay newspapers? Why hang around people she finds disgusting? She wants straight couples to have more rights than gay couples. Speaking as one half of a gay couple that has been together for nearly 17 years, I disagreed with her \’straight is better than gay\’ argument. I did not attack her. I personally think her life would be better if she stopped obsessing about the glbt community and got on with her life. I fail to see how telling her to "Go outside and take a walk around to see the beauty in the world" is attacking her.I hope you have a nice new year as well.

  7. Marty says:

    Dear Mr. Kaatz,Your assumptions are once again questioned. \’I\’ believe that ALL human beings have the right to be treated equal, whether this is in raising children or loving and being married to whom ever they may choose. My comments to your response is in regards to \’Poor Rita Nelson of Minnesota\’ is very interesting as well….it seems so often those that live in glass houses seem to be the ones throwing the stones. Why criticize those that may not be as advanced in the thought of – Love knows no color, creed or gender- the way in which to change this world is by living by example…. if you are so privileged in being such an \’advanced\’ soul, you will have no problem in understanding this. Be responsible Mr. Kaatz, this is just one learning lesson on this beautiful earth plane. The next time you feel your words are so impacting to \’blog\’ them for the world to see…..reflect on what and why you are sharing.

  8. Marty says:

    Dear Mr Kaatz,I am merely suggesting that you yourself take your own advice …… \’ignorance\’ in the way of life is often learned and to teach others in a peaceful compassionate way is not to judge … as you yourself ….. ourselves ….. do not care to be. Your response to this individual is not \’just\’ going out and taking a walk to see the beauty in the world…. you don\’t know her beauty, you are speaking of YOUR beauty. What I am saying is …… and think about this Mr. Kaatz….. if you want to help change this world to be a better place for all of us, to think on a more \’universal\’ stand …. take responsibility in understanding ALL points of view … ALLhuman beings …. the old and the young …. if you understand what I am saying. What I got from your response to \’Poor Rita Nelson of Minnesota\’ was \’ ignorance \’ as well…. and if you don\’t understand this than you should not be sharing your words. May 2009 bring a new beginning to understanding of Love, Peace and Joy in this World…… this can only start with ourselves.

  9. Marty says:

    OH and Cassandra…. how very NOBLE and inspiring of your response.

  10. Kevin says:

    Marty, just remember that Rita Nelson wrote to that gay newspaper without any prodding from me. I just responded, in the paper as well. I write about things that impact my life. Rita Nelson\’s words impacted my life–that is why I decided to \’share\’ my thoughts on my blog (my letter was printed in the paper). And I stand by what I said–if Rita Nelson just admitted to herself that the world is a big place with many different kinds of people (who, by the way, are not \’disgusting\’ as she put it), then she would be happier. I would be happy with thinking a ways to deal with people like Rita in a more \’universal stand,\’, however, how should I do that when people like Rita Nelson hold a bat over my head or vote to take away my rights? Don\’t for a second think I am going to stand there and \’turn the other cheek\’ and wondering if that cheek is going to be smacked as well. Rita decided to write to a gay newspaper and complain about gay people. I\’m gay, so she was writing about me. I decided to call her out. There is nothing wrong with that.And I\’ll let Cass have her say on your comment, if she wishes.

  11. Marty says:

    Yes Yes Mr. Kaatz…. I can see that attempting to get through to you on a more \’positive\’ level will or would never work. Your response to Rita Nelson is not helping the gay and lesbian community whether you believe this or not. There are many parents, families members and friends of the gay and lesbian community that need positive inspiration in \’understanding\’ not your so called words of wisdom which I am quite sure you are so very proud of. I hope Rita Nelson impacted your life in a positive way because I am sure you have not impacted her life with your condescending attitude. Don\’t put this on an individual who wrote into a newspaper…you had an equal hand in responding in the manner in which you did…. you took a negative and responded with a negative… you had a choice, you could have taken a negative and turned it into a positive for everyone to be inspired by but maybe you don\’t see this…. and this is exactly why I say that your words are meaningless….. if you are going to respond and print words for the whole world to see, which is what the internet is all about….. than make it meaningful or don\’t share your words…. we all have this responsibility.

  12. Cassie says:

    I don\’t do "noble" I do real. I leave BS to the Christians—they\’re so good at it.

  13. Cassie says:

    Oh and, Marty—you\’re pretence of "understanding" the GLBTI Community is fooling only yourself.

  14. Marty says:

    Dear Cassandra…. \’real\’ oh really now, who exactly ARE you referring to anyhow ???? and I AM aware of the GLBTI Community… maybe just not YOUR version…. this is very unfortunate !!! as I am also aware of the \’universal\’ community at large as well…. you should join in as well as Mr. Kaatz….

  15. Kevin says:

    Hey Marty, ask yourself which part of Rita Nelson\’s message helped with your statement: "There are many parents, families members and friends of the gay and lesbian community that need positive inspiration in \’understanding…"??? You should be arguing with Rita Nelson and not me. I won\’t say it again to you because clearly you are not listening–I told Rita to enjoy life. You seem to conveniently forget this. My whole message to her was positive. I believe you don\’t like it and have ignored this because you probably share some of her \’concerns.\’By the way, this is my blog–I\’ll share what I think is useful. Why don\’t you start your own and spread your own thoughts? I would think that would be more productive. Interestingly enough, I have never received a message from a gay person saying that my message is negative. Why is that? You also state: "as I am also aware of the \’universal\’ community at large as well…. you should join in as well as Mr. Kaatz…." Talk about a condescending attitude! Marty, you are just too funny. You spew on and on about \’universal\’ this and \’universal\’ that, but then decide that Cass and I aren\’t part of that community. I suppose that makes you a superior form of human? I am beginning to wonder if you are Rita Nelson…By the way, why are you dealing with this now? I wrote this blog entry quite a while ago…

  16. Kevin says:

    Hey Marty–I have a suggestion. Why don\’t you make a response to Rita\’s letter here? I would love to hear what you would say to her.

  17. Cassie says:

    Marty, my version of the GLBTI Community is the one that has been victimized, attacked, and denied their civil rights for YEARS in this (falsely so-called) "Land of the Free"j—denied our rights simply because we are different. I don\’t know why heterosexuals assume they are more entitled to civil rights and privileges just because they happen to be drawn to persons of the opposite gender for sexual gratification. It certainly is no proof of any kind of "moral superiority" since most crimes (including sexual crimes such as child-molestation) are committed by heterosexuals. http://psychology.ucdavis.edu/rainbow/html/facts_molestation.htmlThe lies perpetrated by bigots from the late Anita Bryant to today that gay persons are a danger to children are not consonant with the facts—but they continue to spread them. Most recently they were again brought up in the attempt to get Propositin 8 passed in California. "When you\’re short on truth make stuff up and scare the hell out of people" is a modus operandi that has served the Republican Party and the Christian Churches equally well. But bigots need the lies to make their message of hate acceptible to others. And it works…until the truth comes out.

  18. Kevin says:

    Hey Cass,Did Anita Bryant die? I looked around and couldn\’t find anything about it…And good comments!

  19. Cassie says:

    No….only her brain did 🙂 a LONG time ago. But I\’m not really being fair…she had apologized for some of her anto-gay activities (Cliff Jahr, "Anita Bryant\’s Startling Reversal", Ladies Home Journal 97 (December 1980), 60-68. ) although the Anita Bryant Ministries still act upon her original stance rather than her "live and let live attitude: that she adopted later, See http://www.anitabmi.org/wnd031108.htm for Janet Folger\’s essay about her "hero of Faith". I have heard that Ms Bryant ordered the link to the above article and another in a similar vein removed from the Ministries\’ website but I don\’t know if that has been done.

  20. Cassie says:

    Incidentally the text of Cliff Jahr\’s article along with a ton of other good resource material may be found in the book Gay and Lesbian Rights in the United States: A Documentary History available from Barnes and Noble http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Gay-and-Lesbian-Rights-in-the-United-States/Walter-L-Williams/e/9780313306969/

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