When Ex-gays are Ex-gays no longer

***Before reading this, I should say that I have been torn for a number of days whether or not I wanted to write about this topic.  There are a number of different reasons for this which I won’t get into now.  But I feel like a lot of damage has been done that hasn’t been repaired yet.  And I am still mad about the way I was treated…***

I’ve recently learned that Robert Bayn, who claimed to be an ex-gay has become gay again.  He has a new blog and a new web radio show.  I would say this is good news, and it really is, but only for Robert, who has now realized he was gay and has claimed on his radio show that gays and lesbians can’t change their orientation, despite his previous belief and statements that they can because he was living proof.  It isn’t good news for me except that it is always nice to see someone realize that they were taken in by the anti-gay rhetoric and have finally seen the light.  I don’t consider it to be a victory for the gay and lesbian movement–but only a victory for Robert who has escaped self-loathing and the lies he was fed.

However, I think Robert did quite a bit of damage to the gay and lesbian movement when they were ex-gays.  Robert had a web radio show that featured the ex-lesbian Charlene Cothran and many anti-gay activists like Stacy Harp and Mark from Chesterstreet and the Merry Widow.  He even spent the last 15 minutes or so of his old anti-gay webradio show ganging up on me along with Stacy Harp, Mark and Justin. 

Now you might be wondering why I am even writing about this, since I should be happy that Robert has seen the light.  Well, I am.  But Robert continually attacked me for being a ‘militant homosexual’ and has referred to me as ‘Doctor Lie a Lot’ or ‘prissy boy’ and many other nasty names.  He blocked me from leaving comments on his old anti-gay blog.  Now that he is no longer an ex-gay, I wonder how he feels about his behavior when he was ‘under the influence’ of the anti-gay crowd?  I wonder if he realizes how much damage he did when he invited Charlene Cothran on his show to discuss how gays can change?   I wonder if he realizes how much damage he did by buddying up with Mark at Chesterstreet?  I wonder if he has contacted these people to tell them of his new change?  There has been total silence (as far as I can find) on these anti-gay blogs about Robert’s reversal.

I don’t know if I want an apology from Robert or not.  I think I do.  I think I am certainly owed one.  However, since months have gone by since he started his new blog and radio show, which I just found out about, he clearly isn’t interested.  He never bothered to contact me about what he said to me and what he said to others about me.  I do believe that no one should be forced to apologize.  I hate it when politicians say something, like a racist remark, and then apologize later.  They aren’t really apologizing–they are trying to limit the damage in order that they keep the votes and money coming in. 

But it would be nice if Robert devoted a blog entry on his specific experiences with this anti-gay crowd.  It would be nice if he could discuss their impact on his beliefs on how gays can change.  I would love to hear how he fell in with the anti-gay crowd in the first place.  I wouldn’t mind reading that.  Maybe others in his situation can learn something from it.

But I wish Robert Bayn well.  He had been manipulated into believing that his sexual orientation could change.  He had been manipulated into believing that the rest of us normal gays and lesbians, living a normal life, could and should change.  He has been paraded around by a number of anti-gay activists, who now wouldn’t dare mention that their pet project has finally seen the light.  Anyway, I hope that Robert can now finally do some good for the gay and lesbian community.

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2 Responses to When Ex-gays are Ex-gays no longer

  1. Anthony Venn-Brown says:

    its hard when these things happen. Certainly Robert was not treating you appropirately. Maybe that was a manifestation of his internal struggle. its not uncommon. I try to reach out to ex-gays so when they realise that it is a waste of time to try and change they feel safe coming to me for support and help.

  2. Kevin says:

    Hey Anthony, Thanks for the message.  Like I mentioned, I wasn\’t so certain I wanted to post about this.  I\’m sure what Robert went through was not easy…

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