I see Stacy has written about me and Joe yet again, even though a couple of months ago she said she never would. Oh well. Today she writes about my wedding and Joe Brummer’s wedding. She isn’t very happy with it. Oh well. She wasn’t on my guest list anyway! 🙂
I find it very strange that her biggest complaint about my marriage to Doug is that we haven’t planned it out for 8 months like she did with her marriage. I remember once when a friend from college was getting married. We went out to dinner with he and his wife after the marriage. His wife showed us her ring and said; "I told John that I wouldn’t marry him unless I had at least a 1/2 carat diamond ring." She was dead serious. I know of couples who have spent months and months preparing for their wedding. I’ve been in a wedding as one of the groomsman and I remember going through the paces–stand here, do this, do that. All the while I was thinking–how is this related to the joy of getting married? Stacy claims she spent 8 months preparing for hers. Funny, I don’t remember reading anything in the Bible about a protracted planning stage for a wedding. I don’t remember reading anything in the Bible about spending lots and lots of money preparing for the wedding, or the necessity of pretty balloons and flowers. Stacy states:
We had about 200 people come, flowers, balloons, a nice reception, church ceremony, rehearsal dinner, bridal shower, bachelor party – in other words, the whole works.
"The whole works"? Do pretty balloons make a wedding better than another wedding? Does the rehearsal dinner make a wedding better than another wedding? We aren’t having a bridal shower, well, because neither of us are brides and these are usually just parties for the bride-to-be to gather presents. I’m not interested in getting presents from people. For me that isn’t what getting married is all about.
She also states that they spent only 8 months preparing. Sorry Stacy, Doug and I have you beat on that one by a long shot–we’ve been together since February 1992. I’ll let her do the math. Besides, Doug and I had a commitment ceremony in 1995. We registered as domestic partners in Ann Arbor Michigan in 1994 and again in Berkeley, CA in 1996 and again as Registered Domestic Partners in California in 2006. It isn’t as if we just met and decided to get married. Besides, what if that is what we decided to do? Gosh, lots of straight couples have gotten married on a whim and their marriage is as real as Stacy’s and will be as real as mine.
And she asks about the cake? Maybe we should make it a competition and go out and order the biggest, tallest cake I can find so that when all of our friends show up on the 20th, I can boast that I have the biggest cake. And how about if I go get the biggest, brightest balloons? That way I can boast to all of our friends that we are the best out of all of them and no one can compete with the way we can celebrate our marriage? I guess that would make it a real marriage for Stacy. Maybe that is what she thinks a marriage should be, but I don’t.
Again, for Stacy it is all about show. She spent eight months planning her wedding, not for the marriage itself, but to show off to her friends and relatives. You can see it here in her own words:
If it was me, I would be making sure I had a HUGE party and wedding. I’d invite hundreds of people (well, actually I did do that) and make sure the whole world knew I was one million percent committed to my man.
And I remember when I was all dressed in white and the music started to play and the whole congregation stood to honor me and I walked down the carpeted aisle toward my groom.
A marriage to me isn’t about showing the world I am committed. It is about showing Doug that I am committed to him. Of course, it is important to let our friends and family celebrate our wedding with us, but it isn’t about everyone else. For me it isn’t about a fancy cake. Or pretty balloons. It isn’t about having 100s of guests. It isn’t about having people ‘honor’ me. It isn’t a competition to see whose is bigger. It is about my love for Doug. That is what my upcoming marriage is all about.