Dear Abby Does It Again

I’ve said it before–I love Dear Abby.  Today was another reason why I love her:

DEAR ABBY: I’m 16 and know in my heart that I’m gay, even though I’d give anything not to be. So far, I have kept this to myself, but I don’t think I can keep it within forever.

Please tell me how you "come out." I am worried sick about what will happen, since my parents belong to a church that believes homosexuality is a terrible sin.

Will my parents still love me? Will my friends reject me? Will my sister, who I’ve always been close to, be afraid to keep sharing a room with me?

As hard as I have tried, I can’t change the feelings I have inside, so I know I have to deal with this, but I don’t know what to do. Please help me. — TORMENTED GIRL IN LOUISIANA

Here is Dear Abby’s reply:

DEAR TORMENTED GIRL: I can only imagine the stress and anxiety you are experiencing. My heart goes out to you.

As you clearly point out in your letter, sexual orientation is not a choice, but something a person is born with. Not knowing your parents or your inner circle of friends, I can’t predict how they will react if you tell them you are gay. But if your instincts tell you that your family will react badly, then I advise you to wait to come out until you are out of their house and self-supporting.

In the meantime, allow me to share two helpful resources. The first is PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). This organization has been around since the early 1980s, and from it you will receive specific advice on how to deal with your parents. Its Web site is, and I highly recommend it.

The second is the Trevor Helpline, a nationwide, 24-hour crisis helpline for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning young people. Its toll-free number is (866) 488-7386. You can find out more by going to

So let’s see:  Dear Abby knows that ‘sexual orientation is not a choice.’  I am so glad she said that.  The religious conservatives who believe that straight is better will not be happy with Abby.  Tough. 

And listen what she has to say to that poor girl–if she thinks her family will react badly, don’t tell them who you are until you can survive on your own.  Why is that?  Because many of these so-called Christians would not hesitate (and have not hesitated) to throw their kids away because they are glbt. 

It is fantastic that she mentions PFLAG and the Trevor Hotline. 

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2 Responses to Dear Abby Does It Again

  1. Cassie says:

    It helps, I think, that this is not the ORIGINAL Abby—the original Abby was diagnosed with Alzheimer\’s in 2002 and it is her daughter who now writes the column using her mother\’s famous pen name. Interestingly, the original Abby\’s twin sister (and the current Abby\’s aunt) was the OTHER famous advice columnist: Ann Landers—who died in 2002. Jeanne (our current Abby) is one of only three persons WITHOUT a medical degree who is a member of The Group for the Advancement of Psychiatry which doubtless explains her response to the above mentioned letter.

  2. Deb says:

    As if we would intentionally pick this lifestyle because it\’s so much easier. ha! 🙂

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